Bub and I were invited on a junk trip. We’ve been a few of these before. The first one ever with the kids was a few years ago. Both Bub and Monster ended up sick. Since then, Bub has successfully attended another junk, but he’s not big on the swimming part.
This one was for my boss’s eldest son’s birthday. Bub is friends with her younger son as they are both in the same year group.
Before we left, C asked us to add songs to a Spotify music list. Bub, of course, added his ridiculousness to that. I think everyone was slightly horrified and dying with laughter at some of his choices in music.
The boat took us out around some islands. It’s a place we’ve been to before when we went on the junk with B’s work people. It was actually a perfect day for a junk. The weather was warm. The sea was calm.
The way this all worked was each person brought something to share to eat and drink. I brought fruit for the food. Then I had Malibu rum and pineapple juice for the drinks. I think I also brought some wine.
The main goals of a junk are drinking, eating, swimming, music. It’s so much fun. I feel for Bub being a teacher’s kid. He ends up seeing his teachers in not the best light. This is something that would NEVER happen in the US. We were actively told not to drink in the same town we teach in. Students shouldn’t ever see us drinking… anything.
In Hong Kong, this is the norm. Especially with the expat and international school crowd. My kids didn’t see me drink until we came to Hong Kong. I work with other teachers who have kids in my classes, so it’s inevidible that we end up in these situations.
It was such a good time though. Bub wouldn’t swim, but I was in the water for much of the night. We had the kids throwing us beers into the water. Bub ended up talking with two other teachers who weren’t swimming. I actually had both teachers come to talk to me afterwards to tell me how intelligent he was when they were talking. They were blown away. I told one teacher that Bub struggled the last few years in school. He told me that the school failed him them because he has it all in his head.
So yeah, I was in the water, and failed to remove my make up beforehand. That was such a mistake. This photo would have been so much better if I would have remembered.
Tonight was the night Bub found out the truth about my marriage. He asked me in the taxi ride home what really happened.
He was talking about how much better his father has been. I said, yeah he had to be. Bub was annoyed and said I acted like I was the reason. I told him that I was. His father knew that if he didn’t behave, he wouldn’t be allowed in the house.
Bub asked what happened. I asked him if he really wanted to know. He said he thinks he knows. He guessed correctly. We talked a bit more about it. I talked to him about my state of mind afterwards and how things have progressed since. I also told him when it happened. I didn’t go into a ton of details, but I did talk to him about what it did to me when I found out. I know he still loves his father as he should. The reality is since putting in boundaries and expectations, his father has been a completely different man with them. There have been so many more positive interactions with his father. There isn’t the raging or anger. There isn’t the belittling or constant critizing. I feel like even if B and I don’t last, at least the good that has come from this time is that he and the kids have a much better relationship than they did before I found out he was a cheating asshole. Instead of being a terrible father and cheating asshole, he’s just a cheating asshole. Even now, I don’t know that he would ever cheat again. I don’t know for sure, and I know that keeps me from letting him in.
For now, I am happy to let him build up those relationships again.