Better Memories to Replace the Bad

On 5th April 2019, B took me to this place for a nice dinner at the steak house (which I didn’t eat because I was terrified of eating) and for a drink on the rooftop bar. I had gone and gotten my hair done that day. I thought this was a turning point in the situation. I had thought this would be the night we could start to rebuild.

He was taking me on a date. He had put thought into it. We both got dressed up, and I was so happy. I really thought he was going to try to fix things.

I thought…

After we ate, we went to the bar. After the first drink, he dropped the bombshell.

He was back in contact with his girlfriend.


What followed that, I don’t remember much other than sitting on that beautiful rooftop overlooking the harbor surrounded by people with tears running down my face.

I had so much hope. So much.

He had killed it.

We left the bar. I don’t think either of us said anything. I do remember contemplating stepping out in front of a taxi and just ending it all.

We got home, and I ran to the bathroom where I cried my eyes out.

He came in and told me he had written me a letter. I asked him if there were any more bombshells in there because I couldn’t take anymore.

He told me no. I don’t know why I believed him.

I read the letter.

Basically, he told me he could never promise to be faithful. He wanted an open marriage to keep his girlfriend.

So that night, I thought he wanted to save our marriage. It wasn’t what he wanted. It was the complete opposite.

I don’t know that I can ever express the pain this night symbolizes for me. It was almost as bad as the night I caught him cheating on me. Again, I didn’t see it coming. I was dumb for believing in him. He just proved it to me more.

A year and a half later, I am here with a girlfriend who is dealing with a similar situation. We had gone to dinner at a pizza place in Wan Chai and then this place was the closest rooftop bar.

We were one of a few people who were there when we arrived. It was so weird being there again. I could see that night. Actually, I could feel that night as we sat there. I looked up from the table and expected to look in his eyes and feel that pain again.

Instead, I was looking at her. All I could do was smile. I felt such happiness sitting there with her in that lovely breeze. There was quiet music playing in the background. The sky was beautiful .

I started with a lychee, strawberry, ginger gin and tonic. She had a mango pina colada.

We took photos of the skyline and of each other and ourselves. We laughed and talked. We even got rained on a bit.

She and I talked about our pain. We talked about both of our previous experiences on that rooftop. We talked about future relationships and how we will continue in our lives. We talked about anything and everything. It was such a healing experience to sit there to have a few drinks with her.

As the night went on, the rooftop filled up. We held our fort at this two person table at the edge of the rooftop. We watched people come and go. We watched them take photos in their groups against the skyline.

She is an incredible woman. She has done so much to keep me sane. I am so grateful that we were able to meet. It is so crazy when you think about it. Me, from a small town in Illinois. She is from Belgium. Here we are, in Hong Kong.

I don’t know what the future holds for either of us. I hope that it is better. It has to be better. I do know that we are both stronger after our experiences.

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