When we were at the doctor on Monday, Monster was talking about something we were going to do while we were home for Christmas. I gently reminded her that Dad wouldn’t be with us.
She asked me why. I told her that Grandma is flying us home. She asked why she wouldn’t fly Dad home. I said that Grandma and Grandpa were upset with Dad right now. They wouldn’t stay upset, but right now they were.
She asked why. I told her that was not for her to worry about.
She asked if Dad hurt me. I said yes. She looked at me and said, I’m so sorry, Mom.
My amazing, gorgeous, perceptive, accepting, loving little monster.
I told her she had nothing to be sorry for. What happened between Dad and me shouldn’t affect his relationship with her.
That was all. We started talking about other things. The other two haven’t really asked too much about why. I am not sure what I will say then. There are those who have said honesty is the best policy. They will resent me because we didn’t tell them the reason. Others have said to keep them out of it. Just tell them that B had hurt me, and our issues have nothing to do with anything they have done.
Bub’s counselor has told me not to tell him the reason because he is at an age that this information could perpetuate the cycle of B’s family. For B, his father had done the same thing to his mother when B was the same age as Bub. Bub is at an impressionable age, and if he were to learn the truth, he may follow the same path as his father.
I have told a few people in my family since telling the kids we were separated. My mom, 2 brothers, and a sister. B’s family know we are separated, but no one has asked him or me why (which I find interesting).
I am impressed with my little monster and her capacity to feel empathy. I don’t want to hurt their relationship with B, but I also don’t want to remain in a relationship where we were not happy.
I hope one day the kids will understand. I hope one day they will forgive me.