“I’m sorry if I was overly friendly”

It amazes me the level to which people can minimize their behavior.  Or maybe he and I have very different definitions of what “overly friendly” means.  

I had gone out with a group of friends on Friday night in Sai Kung.  I had gotten dressed up for the night. I thought it was just a bunch of girls, so I would put on a pretty little dress and some high heels I shouldn’t be wearing to school.  

We had dinner and drank some wine.  We laughed and talked and caught up (which is hard to do with the fast pace of our school).  Surprisingly, most of the discussion did NOT revolve around students or school. It was overall a really good time.  

After dinner was done, we parted ways.  Some headed home, and others (including me) moved on to a bar just around the corner.  

I have been to this bar a few times.  Once was with M. Another time was with A.  I really like the owners of the place. They are a married couple, and they are fun to be around.  

I was there sitting with A and drinking gin and tonic just listening to the conversations around us.  M showed up to take A home. There were still a couple of other teachers around and another woman I knew had shown up.  A asked me what I was going to do. I decided to stay a little longer. B was home with the kids. It had been a while since I had been out.  I was going to enjoy it. A said that another friend’s husband, N would be arriving shortly.  

N showed up pretty quickly.  So I sat with him to have a drink.  He started telling me his marriage woes.  I like to think I’m a good listener. I was trying to be empathetic and supportive.  At some point, it all went south.  

It started with him telling me I was beautiful.  This didn’t register too much because M has told me that, and it was completely platonic.  M was being supportive and kind because my self esteem took such a hit. He also was front row to a lot of the issues. 

So I thanked N for his kindness and thought nothing of it.  Until the touching started.

As he was telling me all the issues with his wife, he started touching me.  First my arm. Then it was my sides and back. I asked him to stop. He kept telling me he couldn’t help himself because I looked so “yummy”. 

Not that this is a good excuse, but I had been drinking.  I didn’t know what to do. I told him he was married, and I had no interest in what he was saying. I told him he needed to stop. 

He kept going.  My dumb ass thought it was a good idea to share a taxi with him.  He was headed the same way as me, and I was a little worried about him getting home.  

As we walked towards the taxi stand, he started again and wanted to hold my hand.  I kept pulling away from here. This is where I should have walked away and left him to his own devices.  I honestly don’t know why I didn’t. Looking back, I cannot explain it.  

We got in to a taxi.  I sat as far from him as I could and looked out the window.  He continued to make comments about my legs and body and what he wanted to do to me.  I said no and you’re married. I have no interest in this conversation nor would I ever be a party to what he was trying to do.  I told him it was disgusting he was trying this with me given what he knows about what I went through.  

I think the taxi driver took pity on me.  He stopped a ways from his stop, and N got out.  I don’t know where he went from there. I didn’t care.  I just wanted to go home.  

The next morning, I texted M to sort of gauge what had happened.  Apparently, N’s nickname is Mr. Octopus when he’s drinking. He thought it was a bit funny.  I guess he’s done that with A as well. For me, it was not a good experience at all.  I want nothing to do with him anymore.  

I ended up texting N’s wife to tell her what had happened.  She just thanked me for telling her. I heard nothing else from her.  N messaged me on Facebook and said he was sorry “if he was overly friendly”.  

That is what he called what he did. Overly friendly. That was NOT overly friendly. It was wrong. That is not how you treat someone. That is not how you treat a friend. I am not some doll there for your use. Nor are you entitled to any part of my body for anything.

I am done with him.  What he did and trying to do was not okay.  I thought he was a friend. I thought he was a good person.  I was wrong, and I won’t make that same mistake twice.

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