I am hard on B. I feel I have that right to be. He has hurt me greatly. After I discovered his betrayal, he kept hurting me. Whether that was because he genuinely believed he was right or denial, I can’t say. I just know I’m not going to settle anymore. I will not let him hurt me like that again.
What I can say is there is one thing he has improved on. The kids. For years, I attended pretty much everything on my own. The worst was through Monster’s diagnosis and the resulting turmoil. That was faced almost completely alone.
Teachers and the school would send us emails about the kids. He NEVER read them. He had no idea what was going on. In transitioning Monkey to the new school, he was clueless. In moving Monster from school to school through the emails and meetings and orientation days, he was absent. He only knew what I told him.
This was a huge point of frustration for me. I felt I was facing all of this on my own. I guess I was. He supported me when I shared with him, but he also liked to tell me what to do. That drove me nuts. Don’t tell me what to do. You can do it too. Then there were times I would express worries and fears. He would tell me it was silly. But he didn’t sit through those meetings with me. He didn’t see the numbers or hear what the educational psychologist had to say. He didn’t know. He also liked to accuse me of seeing things that weren’t there because of my profession. He mocked my opinions or views. Really this wasn’t limited to my profession, but that is what I am talking about here.
He looked down on my profession and the people I work with. He hated going out with my friends because they were all teachers. We talked about school. It’s a strange thing about teaching. It is one profession where it really does become a sort of life style. I look at my students as my kids. I care very much about each and every one of them and their well-being. When they hurt, I hurt. I have yet to meet a teacher, male or female, who doesn’t feel the same.
He still doesn’t think very highly of my opinion. I don’t know that will ever change. I think that is just a part of him. I have accepted that for now.
What has changed is he is reading the emails. He is trying to attend the meetings. He is spending time with the kids. He has taken them out on his own without me there.
We had a meeting for Monster at the end of the last school year with the LSC Coordinator. I figured I’d be going on my own. No, he was there. He sat quietly and listened. He offered insight when needed, and he was THERE. We walked out of there. I assumed my customary defensive stance to his criticism. There was none. He admitted Monster needed the support. The only thing he objected to was when I asked the Coordinator for counselling for Monster because the separation was going to be happening. He said he wanted to scream to stop because he didn’t want to separate. 🙄
He attended Monster’s laptop night. He tried to attend Bub’s Back to School Night, but he has another appointment.
I’m glad he’s trying. Truly I am. He hasn’t done much in terms of what I have asked him for us, but I don’t matter as much as the kids. Even though we won’t make it, he needs to be a father. He needs to be there for them. They need both of us.