I booked the flights for all of us to take a trip over the Easter holiday to Japan.  We are going to be meeting my brother there and spending a week exploring Osaka, Kyoto, Tokyo, Yokohama, and anywhere else we can.

We have been there twice before, but that was just Love, Fruitbat, and me.  This time, we will have the kids as well.  That will add a different sort of vibe to the trip.

I am both excited and nervous about this trip.  I think right now the nerves are winning out because the level of stress I feel when even thinking about the trip is just overwhelming.

I know it seems silly.  We have been there.  I have so many concerns and just overall worries about this whole thing.

1.  We are flying into Osaka.  I have no idea how to get from the airport there to the hotel we are staying in.  I am tempted to ask my brother to meet us at the airport to help us since he will be in Tokyo before us, but I don’t know if that is asking too much.  I am so worries about that transition.
2. We don’t have a clear itinerary.  The last time we went, Fruitbat and I knew where we were going and what we were doing for each day of the trip.  We had a good idea of what we were going to see and do.  This time, I have no idea.  I feel just overwhelmed trying to figure it all out.
3. My brother loves to see certain parts of Japan.  These are not the parts that my kids are going to be overly interested in.  In fact, I think they will not be interested in much of it.  There are places that I really want to go as well.  I think in those cases (Fushimi Inari and the shrine in Tokyo, we can do that).  Past that, I don’t know how much they are really going to care about any of that.
4. It just all seems so insurmountable.  I know it isn’t.  Rationally, I know it isn’t, but it feels like it is.  Directing all of these people who want to do different things.  So far, it has been mostly me planning this thing.  Or at least that’s how it feels.  I know that may not be the truth.  It feels like it.  Everyone has different things that they want to do.  There is even one who doesn’t want to be there at all.

I am really excited to go to Japan.  I am so happy to see my brother.  I can’t wait.  I am just so overwhelmed with so much right now.  Work is crazy.  There is so much to do.  So many new LET kids.  So much…  My kids are taking so much.  I can feel myself slipping.  I am slipping into those dark spaces.  I hate it, and I try to fight against it.  I have such amazing people around me.  Even if they aren’t aware.  Even if they never know.  They are some of the most supportive and caring people I have had the honor to know and work with.  They are so good to me.  They care so much.  I know I will be okay.  I know I will come out of it.  For now, though, I suppose that fight must rage on.  For now, I will keep going even if I don’t want to.  For now, I will take deep breaths and look back on the happy times and fun we had before and remember it will be like that again.