I think we are getting more in the swing of things. Love and I were able to finally get all of the boxes out of the flat last night. I feel less like a box storage facility. He is putting together our dining room table and entertainment center today. We can put some stuff away once all of that is together. We need to make the flat more like home. I think we need to paint the walls and put up some art. I have some art in the boxes that can be put up. I can’t wait to get that stuff on the walls.
So far, this place has not felt like a home. I don’t know why that is though. It may be that the last place we lived, we were in there for almost 10 years. This is the first big move we have made in a really long time. It could also be that it is really small. The kids’ bedrooms have no character whatsoever. Everything is white walls. Their furniture is all the same and cheap. Our bedroom is much the same. There is nothing on the walls other than the wedding portrait, and that is hanging on the only nail in the wall there is in the place. I have so many photos of family and friends. I need to stick those up around or something….
I met with HOD (why does this always happen on our monthly anniversaries? I mean like clockwork. I swear it’s to knock me down a few pegs) today to discuss Monster. She reiterated to me that this is not the best place for her. I am proud of myself for not crying this time. I know she is a lot of work. I am starting to consider home schooling for her. I don’t know what else to do. The chances of getting her into a learning center in my system is little to none. Then there are other schools, but I don’t know if A. we can get her in and B. afford it. HOD said Love would have to get a job for us to be able to send Monster to another school.
Love getting a job…. That is so hard. We came here on the agreement that he would not have to work. He could if he wanted to. I have learned that his dependent visa actually opens him up to more options because he can work for anyone. My visa is through my employer which means I can only work for them. I hate to even consider asking Love to get a job. I would feel like I was changing the deal on him. That isn’t fair. I don’t know what else to do though. I guess we will wait a little while longer and see where we land.
She also commented on how much we are spending on housing. I know what we are spending is a lot, but it is what we needed. Maybe next year we will move into something cheaper. I don’t know.
I will say that I love Hong Kong. I love being here. I love where I work. I love who I work with. I love the students I work with. I was asked to take a maternity leave in the regular ed classroom for one class. I am excited about that.
I just feel like Love is not really all that happy here. He is putting up with it because we are here and it is what I want, but I really don’t know if he’s all that happy. I don’t know how to make that better. I don’t know how to make him happy here if he isn’t. I feel like maybe he would feel better if he could get out of the flat, but I know he is struggling with so much right now.
Money is a huge worry. I watch our spending like a hawk. It is exhausting. I wish Love would get a job so I can stop being such a nazi with money. I hate constantly being the person to tell the kids or him that, no, we cannot go out to eat. No, we cannot buy those snacks. No, we cannot buy that toy. This was supposed to be a better situation for us. We were supposed to be able to do more. So far, we have done less. We go out around Hong Kong and see things, sure, but we are not getting to do the travelling I really thought we would be able to do. I thought we would be able to see more of Asia. I guess it is what it is though since this is where we are and what we have to do.
Categories: My Thoughts